Why so few women in NZ wrestling?

A question I'm repeatedly asked is, "why is there so few women in New Zealand wrestling?"

And you know what, it is such a great question to ask! BUT... I'm not the one you should be asking this question to.

It is, however, a question I repeatedly ask myself and a question I continue to put to NZ wrestling, to whomever is willing to enter a discussion with me on this subject.

I do what I can, as a long time female wrestler in this country. As someone who began when there were so few other female wrestlers. I tried out with about 10 men nearly 15 years ago. I trained repeatedly with men much larger than myself. I remember hitting them so hard to make them fall so they would treat me with respect. Something the female wrestlers of today are probably not so grateful for... and something I'm working on.

These were the things I had to do, or felt I had to do, to obtain and maintain respect from the men. When I first started, it was questioned to others who knew me from the trainers, "does Sarah actually want to wrestle, or is she just here to f**k the crew?"

Rest assured, I'm not interested in any of the men in professional wrestling. Don't get any ideas, boys. I AM here to wrestle. Always have been and always will be.

Needless to say, this is one of the many reasons women feel uncomfortable in professional wrestling. How can we earn respect? There's so few females to support and so few in leadership positions... will I ever get respect? will I ever be treated as a fellow competitor and equal to that of my male counterparts? What does it take for a woman to earn respect in this sports entertainment?

#MeToo and #SpeakingOut really helped to start conversations but a lot of those conversations have died down. A lot of it created more separation as men have cowered in fear, not knowing how to move forward. I've, as a result, lost friends and many men who used to connect with me, have now pulled far away and want nothing to do with. Why?

I guess some things are just too hard for people to address when they don't have all the answers.

I was approached during #speakingout as a "woman of power" and this angered me. I was at a point in my life where I was at my lowest. I felt completely powerless and felt the closest to suicide I've felt in a long time. I've been asked why I haven't blogged lately, too and this has a lot to do with it. I would write then delete then write again and delete. I haven't felt sure about me or whether I should even exist for quite some time.

And yet, here were men demanding that I tell them how to make things right for New Zealand wrestling...

That's a huge ask for a woman who was barely able to take care of herself and find happiness at this point. And yet, they used this as an opportunity to bring me down further. "see, she's not who she says she is!" ... why, thank you, I needed that reminder.

That reminder nudged me to the lowest of lows. And I refuse to go back. I refuse to see my girls that low. I refuse to see any other woman in New Zealand wrestling questioned about her intentions. I refuse to allow the men of this country bring these women so low that they question their own existence.

So, when you come to me and ask me why there aren't more women in New Zealand wrestling, please note, I will ask you to redirect your question to the men and to the promotions.

And here are some questions that I suggest you start to think about that have got me pondering over the past 6months:

- Why is it there are some promotions with very few / no female trainees?

- Why is it women don't feel comfortable applying to certain training schools?

- Why is it there are no women wrestling on certain wrestling promotion's cards?

I'm not accusing any promotion or school of anything but these are the questions I've been asking myself lately and wondering. Why?

I don't have the answers. I am only one woman. I can speak from my experience but if you want to know why all women don't feel like they can wrestle across New Zealand, then I suggest you ask all women.

For those promotions wondering what you can do to better support women wrestling in this country, here are a few tips and words of advice (again, from my experience only):

1. Include women in positions of leadership so females feel represented and supported.

2. Listen when they speak up about not feeling safe and treat them with respect. When you begin to question their intentions or stories, they will instantly withdraw and feel unsupported.

3. Quit it with the old-school bullying mentality and begin to facilitate open, supportive learning atmospheres. Yes, wrestling is tough but you don't need to break people's mental wellbeing in the process of creating talented wrestlers. That is plain bullying.

4. Utilise resources and admit your own fault. Through honesty and openness, you will create a space where people can be themselves and know they can openly come to you.

5. Stop actively supporting people who are known bullies or attackers. Those people need help as well but supporting and enabling them to continue the cycle will prevent them from realising what's wrong in their actions. Help them by helping them see what they're doing that's wrong. Be the real friend and tell them honestly what they need to hear.

Best of luck to all New Zealand wrestlers.

I love this country and I love New Zealand Pro Wrestling. I hold hope for a future that is bright and filled with amazing talent and quality promotions. One that is not filled with bullies and where women are treated as equals and supported, as are all men.

Am I here just to f**k the blokes?! Fuck no. I'm here to fuck shit up and challenge people to do better, be better and push myself to new limits.

Let's do this, Brit Army!