Imagine.

I shared a reel on Instagram recently that I'd made and left in drafts for a few days.

I had made it because I was amused when I heard the audio and thought back to a time where someone said something to me that really broke me. I find these things amusing but I forget that others see it out of context and it's certainly not really funny when you think about the words or their meaning.

I've spoken with psychologists before about this stuff and I know I'm in a good place now. Humour is one of my great defences and tools to helping me survive this cruel world.

The Instagram reel was, "share a recent selfie and a quote that broke you". The quote I shared was from quite a few years back now and from someone who I was really close with at the time. We were having a deep and meaningful conversation and they were confessing to me what was going on for them.

Whilst I am proud of the fact that people feel they trust and can confide in me, in this moment, I wish the words were never spoken to me. They cut deep. Yet, I know and understand where that person was coming from and they didn't mean to hurt me. The quote I shared from this conversation was, "If you died, I wouldn't care".

The thing that stumped me after sharing the reel was the kind and heartfelt responses I received since of people letting me know that they would care. I genuinely was not expecting any kind of response like that. I was amused and sitting in my feels when I made it thinking about how grateful I am that those words won't control me and that I feel so much stronger now within myself.

This is why I share so many quotes, psychology info and inspiration about supporting and being kind to others. I have only shared that quote previously with one other person. Other than that, I had never told anyone what I was going through. I wiped my tears the next morning, had to log in for work and pretend it never happened. Poured coffee and tried to find some happy thoughts.

Here's the thing, at the same time this happened, I was working a role that stood out in the business I was in. I was scrutinized by a challenging manager daily who wasn't used to managing people. He was best at focusing on numbers. Which was great for getting some results but, as a coach and person struggling mentally and trying to achieve exceptional results for the business, I didn't feel supported and continually felt as though I was letting down the entire company.

My role was to help leaders and I was trying to pull strength to be that support but they weren't leaning into it at all. My role was new to the business and presented to them a challenge. It meant more work for them and I was the face of something they hated. It was worse than being a heel in pro wrestling because I genuinely felt like my presence was a burden on them.

To face this all day then come home to a partner who did not care if I existed. It is a wonder I am still around.

At the same time, I was on a break from wrestling. I was exhausted mentally from always putting over other people, being everyone's support and feeling like I was letting myself down. It wasn't a happy place any longer, people weren't being kind and, after being away for a while, I barely heard from anyone. I had the odd person check in to see how I was doing. They'd encourage me to come along to shows and hang with them in the crowd.

Those shows were nice as fans would always come up and say hi. They would ask when I'd be back. Tell me they missed me and that I'm needed. Honestly, you fans were everything and are everything to me because, at that point in my life, you were some of the few people who made me feel like I meant anything to anyone.

The few people checking in on me from the actual NZ wrestling scene still are people that check in occasionally and I value them immensely. It's a rare treasure to find people like this, in my experience, who actually just want to know that you are OK. I have been through a lot over the years with NZ wrestling and it still amazes me who checks in and who doesn't. Those who claim to be your friend and those who are your friend when it suits them and their agenda.

Likewise in my workplace at this time, there were the odd colleagues who I had known from other roles who always knew when something wasn't right. The ones who I could turn to when I needed a little pep talk to pull through. They were the ones reminding me that how I was being treated was not OK. Through my 10years in this corporate organisation, the one thing I have learned to value and hold on to is the people who you connect with and will support you. It's just a job at the end of the day but the people are what make it.

The above is all in the past for me and I have come so far. But this, this is why I share so much inspiration, quotes and learnings about being kind to others. You truly never know what someone is going through.

I wonder what would have happened if I never had those people checking in on me. What would have happened if I listened to the negativity? What could have happened if I didn't have support and the few acts of kindness. That kindness of fans saying a little remark, "hey Brit, really great to see you". Your few words made a big difference. Please know that.

But also, I wonder what could have happened if I were never mistreated and never allowed others to speak to me how they did? What I could have accomplished in my role if I had better support and encouragement guiding me? What I could have done for NZ wrestling if I weren't so broken? Just imagine. If we were all a bit kinder, imagine what we could help others achieve.

You never know what someone is dealing with, what they are battling at home, in the workplace or in their internal battles. It's really not that hard to just be kind.

If there is one thing you take away from reading this, is that. Just be kind.

If you need a safe space to talk, please don't hesitate to reach out. This world can be cruel but I promise it is worth living. I promise it gets better. And I am more than happy to be here if you need a safe space. We are in this together.

Much love Brit Army. Keep up the good fight!